I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
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