I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
