Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
