Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
