dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
