conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
