My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
