true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
