I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
