There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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