I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
