I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
