I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
