My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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