uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
