Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize