Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
