i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
