I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
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