my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
