I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
