why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
