physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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