you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
