Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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