Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
