A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
