I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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