Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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