Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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