Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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