It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
