you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
