i just had sex bonerless
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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