Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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