just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
His nipple licking is glorious
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