Betty ford says i'm here all night
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
