Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened

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(206): View more from Washington

I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.

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(914): View more from New York

I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.

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(509): View more from Washington

I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.

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(708): View more from Illinois

We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now

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(303): View more from Colorado

his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy

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(314): View more from Missouri

I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.

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(240): View more from Maryland

So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"

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