Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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