Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
