I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We are all done wearing pants today
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
