btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize