I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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