the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
