go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize