you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You're like the curious george of whores
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
