i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
