I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize