I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
