Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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