...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
