So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
