Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she pinky promised me she was 18
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
