im about as happy as oj after his trial
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
