you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She made me pour olive oil on her.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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