did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
