it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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