he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize