this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
