Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize