Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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