If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
